Saturday, April 14, 2007
cos we're all about You
& the life You've promisedwe're all working so hard, putting in double the amount of effort, trg til late nights & forfeiting studying for tests to train. it's not like as if we're guaranteed a place in the second round, we've still gta work hard for it. even though we deserve it, they aren't gna jst give it to us. but what if we can't go through ? everyth's WASTED. for jst one moment in life, one teeny moment, all our hard work gone down the drain. ): so dumb, so stupid, so IRONIC. jst like A's. if you're a straight A student all the while, yet suddenly, jst coincidentally your life crumbled near the A's. you can't concentrate, but who the hell cares that you were a straight A student ? your A level grades don't reflect it ! we're all working hard for one point in time, but what if we've been goodie girls, goodie boys, what if we really jst screw up for that one time. it's OVER, we're GONE CASE. isn't that so ironic ?
when asked by the coaches our preferred treatment before matches. i chose that the team left me alone to blast my music. on the bus home today i put all my loud music into one folder. blasting works miracles. it's so weird, there are songs that hype you up & put you into gear, yet there are also songs that make you feel emo & sad & all that shit. i don't know whether to thank God for songs, or the other way round.
it's so weird, i sometimes feel like quite a loner. then i will jst totally moodswing & insist that i be left alone. but even though i insist on it, i never really mean it :/ i feel so ironic at times. when i ask everyone to leave me alone, i still need them to be there for me. hahas, quite hypocritical. but yet, when i moodswing & no one cares, it might hurt, but i'll feel better faster. that's the MOST ironic thing. i felt like a loner today, alot of times. i've got so many friends (literally) that i'm missing out on one part of my friends when i'm talking to another. ): sighs, i don't know what's wrong.
& i realised the worseeee thingy about me, i insist that i miss them that i wna meet up wiv them, YET i dont make the effort to plan anyth or whatsoever. when i found out that jeraldine & sherri meet up very often, i realised that im quite a failure as a bff luhh. when the retarded-jerk msged me, i realised that im quite a failure as a friend luhh. then i qns myself why ? then i counter back, but you're busy, you've got no time. excuses are for losers. if ive got enough time everyday to blog, i sure as hell have got enough time to call my bff up for a quick update about her life. hmmmmms.
& i realised, i really suddenly realised that im blaming my yucksy grades & my not doing homeworks on netball. but thennnnn, it isn't true. if i do have proper time management & better discipline, there'd be no problem handling them all. i mean after trgs i'll def be tired, but it's not like i'm trg everyday ! i should cut down on teevee time, comp time, doing other stuffs time & turn to working on my homeworks instead. it's so easy to give an excuse, blame another thing another person, but how often do we look upon ourselves & find that the fault actually lies in us ? im thinking all these thoughts now, & i know i gta do someth, i'll still end up not doing it til too late. uggh.
in a fit of boredom, i decided to browse through some of my friends friendster photos. & wtshit, there are like a handful of them who have photos of slit wrists on the friendster. i don't feel pity or worried for them, i feel utter DISGUST. it's like they're seeking attention, putting photos on FRIENDSTER for all to see ? wtshit. that's where i totally changed my view of cutting. never ever.
wahahas, i jst suddenly realised that my post is quite dreary. wth. im actually feeling quite elated. my long awaited saturday is here ! :D (: (: (: (: (: (:
happy 2nd month love (:
throw me a lifeline
12:00 AM
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