Saturday, February 24, 2007

im so bored. i really should study to get my mind off stuffs.
im contemplating watching Ladder 49. then ive got a reason to cry my heart out.
i think i really need to eat some icecream, i need my antidepressants now ):
did i mention after eating one toblerone triangle & two rochers, i felt like puking. disgusting, ive lost my appetite for chocolate.

yongjun, im so so sorry for what i did/said to you last night. i was super unstable, i know youre jst trying to help, but i jst couldnt take it when i cant put what i feel across to you. im sorry kay.

jac, thanks for running after me ytd. sitting there wiv me listening to me roar. going on & on & on.

mellie, thanks for talking to me today

khairiz, thanks for the chat ! thanks for trying to cheer me up & keep me optimistic even though you yourself isnt feeling that great. dont force your smiles alright ! dont wear a mask !

i thought i could make it through today wiv saying at least one hahas, oh wait, ive jst said it. did i mention how empty i felt a few days ago. well, i take my words back. if i was feeling empty then, i'll be dust now.

been listening to tian shi & zui jing the whole night, it's totally not helping things. so i added in deep & meaningless, & im feeling worse. what to do, my phone only has a few songs. & my brother took my ipod wiv my permission. & his is totally falt & im lazy to charge. sighs, more downfalls of being karolyn. im a lazy biatch.

there's someth wrong wiv my mentality. i should change it.

i wna type type type type type my way through the night, but what can i type when there's only one thing on my mind ? shit lahh, i so hope you dont read this.

i better change topic before i really need to go grab the ladder 49 dvd.

aah, my phone's gna die soon, so yepp, no more songs. & i'll be too lazy to charge my phone that means i cant msg you. perhaps that would be a good thing.

i jst found out someth. makes me feel so sad for that person. ):

someone jst shoot me lahh.


i type someth, i erase that thing. i dont know what else i can type alr. i jst want to cry, release my emotions.


my mind's on random mode, im trying to squeeze out stuffs to write to feel up this space. i still rmb in sec 3 i was in this permanent depression mode & i blogged about all my bad points. i dont know why that suddenly came into my mind. sighs. i feel like as if ive not really snapped out of being depressed or someth. ): utterly random moodswings. i can be super high one second, the next second i can jst sit & start crying for utterly zilch reasons. i guess thats my worst personality ? plus the fact that i keep bullying siok & tong. hmms. i should stop. sighs, i should jst shut the fuck up right. yepp, that's a good plan.

but what sucks the most is that for someone so talkative & so loud like me, when you shut up, people keep thinking that someth really sad happened to you. & for people like me who can cry super easily, you'll start crying even when noth happened. & then others will jst freak out. aiya, what the hell am i typing.

so, i painted my nails today. but it's so weird since my nails are so short.
oh & i really think my corn's getting better. but it's been so darn long alr. if it doesnt heal soon, i'll be quite scared. then go see doctor & drip acid on it.

a volcano eruption ? shit, how did that get in my head can !

if this any normal school day & i feel this way. i'll pon whatever lesson i have now & go pass netball wiv the wall. or jst bounce the ball on the floor. yepp, good plan.

im so thirsty & i dont know why. been going to the kitchen to get a drink so often. open the freezer, see the icecream, think once again of breaking my pact, then close the feezer door. sighs.

ugh. i think im random enough.

throw me a lifeline
10:38 PM

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