Sunday, February 05, 2006

gen ye feng yi yang de shen yin
xin sui de hen hao ting <

all the zodiac-ers have been saying that those born in the year of the snake will be every "wang" in all aspects this year, including love. then why does my heart break just as 2006 comes? then i realised that wasn't chinese new year yet (: it was just getting rid of the errm, imperfect one to make sure that im free for the perfect one. i stayed awake from like 9.30 to midnight rolling around in my bed thinking bout all of these. ive often said im not totally over my first love yet, but when i really think back, i cant really rmb what happened, all i knew was that i really loved that guy, but thats all i rmb. well this happenning to me again, and im really thankful. well, im thankful that He let me experience a heartbreak so i know what to do. and im really thankful that i stopped at one cut only, that suicide was on my mind for just 10 hours? many things happen for a reason, we might not know it now, but one day we will. this may not be my one day, but i think i do know what happened. i happened to bring the perfect ones back tgt, and im just happy to see that youre going on fine, that you really didnt make the wrong decision. perhaps you were not my wan mei qing ren, but a window that made way for my door, but whatever it is, i thank you, cos youve actually really made me grow up, and realise things that i dont think i could have learnt wivout this heartbreak.

through this heartbreak ive realised that friends are a musthaves, they are really the ones who pick you up when you fall, and once again, i thank mindy and ness and nard for bringing me out and making me laugh and tolerating my laughter thru chronicles of narnia. i thank loke, zhengliang, kevin for being the ones who comforted me thru sms-es. i thank mesy and joy, who rushed down to just check out how i am, and bought for me a tigger. i thank oo for that one msg that made me laugh, "he's a jerk, not worth it", up til now i still wondered why i laughed. i thank joe and fok who really gave me many advices. i thank ngsy, who is my *ahem* best cousin ever, who might not know that she helped me. she got over her jerk so fast and that made me realise that im not supposed to dwell on this heartbreak. i thank guoxi and kevin for this quote even if it wasnt meant for this heartbreak "more of Him, less of me" i especially thank my lab partner, gaelan gu. who have really been wonderful thru this whole thing. i never realised how wonderful til that incident occurred. who was really the one there for me, gave me so much advice that i wonder what i could have been wivout him, still not knowing what really happened? still stupidly holding on for noth? still as immature in my thinking? yepp, thanks gaelan gu jia hao ! (and i cant stand your name being so similar to mine, you change yours!) =D. and i thank a certain ahbeing of mine, -looks at gu (but its not gu!), who helped me let go easier (:

i dont know when you might see this, but i just wanted to tell you that i think ive gotten over you, flashbacks might occur, but im definitely over the memories, i can no longer rmb the details of what happened. why did He bring us tgt? "maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift" why did He break us up? "when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look too long at the closed door that we dont see the one which has been opened for us" He brought us tgt to let us be more appreciative of our wan mei qing ren, He broke us up for you to meet your wan mei qing ren, and mine will be sure to come soon (: thats what ive realised. i rmb once i was sitting wiv paul in the canteen and i drew your initials on my paper and paul asked, whos that? i replied, a jerk. paul : is he a playboy? me : nope. paul : is he a flirt? me : nope. paul : then what? me : a jerk, a heartbreaker. paul : is he an asshole? me : HAHA, yes. paul : a bastard? me : HAHA, maybe. and paul just went on and on and on, and he kept repeating his points, but are you really a jerk a heartbreaker an asshole a bastard? no, i dont think so, you are just not made for me, but for someone else. and my reflection, the 1/100 of the words that was written "i started this school term wiv a heavy heart, but through the camp, SMILES began to take over my frowns" the actual thing was, "i started this school term wiv a heavy heart cos someth REALLY BAD happened to me (which was this heartbreak) but through this orientation, smiles began to take over my frowns." yepp, ive learnt that life still goes on. haha, i mean take a look at evelyn, that siao girl, she's also heartbreaking after her ex, but she's still so happy. its the way we look at life, and ive realised that dying doesnt solve all problems, neither does sleeping. being happy and thinking of things in a positive way then solves all problems (: but haha, sleeping solves all problems still sounds cooler ayye? yepp, you take care, and hows sunny the sunflower? i bet it's dead by now, wiv you suffocating blue roses and all. haha, take care of fluffy and especially of you since im officially letting go as of now, 7.04 am, sunday, 5th of feb.

this morning when i was toileting there was this beetle that was crawling towards me, dam scary. then it crawled UPWARDS. hell pro lahh, it was fascinating looking at the beetle. and i just realised maybe sometimes if we looked from another point of view many things would not be so complicated alr. (: "always put yourself in others' shoes, if you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too" how often are we so selfish to think of only ourselves, that we never realise that actually the other party's hurting too? yepp, maybe we all should go back and reflect, we cant blame someone for doing things their way, its their personality, we might get hurt, but how often have we realised that others are hurt too for hurting us?

011205 ; 0000, this time might be etched in my mind forever but soon more meaningful dates will cover that date up. it was really wonderful to be wiv you to experience care and concern from that way once again. (: thank you for the pleasant times, and the crying times that made me realise whats a heartbreak for, its for us to learn, to grow, to realised things. more of Him, less of me. thank you, really. maybe its time you stopped thinking of me, and wholeheartedly place your heart and mind and soul into her arms, i loved you and it'll be a great gift if we could just remain as friends as time passes and you could live on happily and learn someth from this incident. please be more decisive, and please stick wiv your decision once made thats why i asked you think it through and i was right, someth DID happen in the chalet, that changed your decision. thank you, dethronedd;













thank You Lord, for coming into my life

throw me a lifeline
7:19 AM

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