Monday, February 28, 2005
my heart hurts okay.when i found out what happend my whole heart just squeezed real tight.i cant imagine that happening to any of my brothers.i dont want to experience the crying.or the heartwrenching.im so sorry darling.i know youve been thinking why you, it isnt fair.you may not see this yahh.and i might not be going through what youre going through.but i can feel what you feel okay laogong.love ya.take alot alot alot of care.i wna see you smiling okay.
it sucks, life sucks.
seriously, whats there to be happy about?
i still dont know why what happened to my laogong affected me so greatly.i even had to hold back my tears when i heard about you.my heart squeezed together like nobodys business.ah right.
=((((((.
im freaking sad now.
throw me a lifeline
9:55 PM
___________________________
Sunday, February 27, 2005
ah, right, bloggers screwed up for now.
i feel like cursing somehow.
so, fuck.
throw me a lifeline
5:00 PM
___________________________
I WNA SCREAM IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE-
ah right. ((=. scream scream scream.
back to folding hearts, change of plan.i'll give it to youu on youur birthday.if it lasts.haha, if it doesnt, then i'll just stuff it into the box.i cant possibly give it to the next guy cos i wasnt folding the hearts with the next guy in mind, but youu.
right, been desperately finding two soft toys
he gave me.ah, it just cant be found.and i just cant box up my feelings for
him then.its not fair.im so scared that it'll haunt me for life.i just wna forget about
him.everything about
him.stalker almost went crazy trying to understand why.haha.
went to the library yesterday.spent hell long finding two books? and i dont even like the second one i grabbed off the shelf.ah, one week with no books ! =((.
ah right, nick fell down.hilarious? -ROARS. HAHA. =DD. right, i feel sinful now.but its realleh funnehh.
jamiefok's reallehh funnehh.especially when the name matthewchay is mentioned.she just becomes hysterical and everything? haha.realleh reallehh funehh.she was like this zi bi zhen person and everything? going crazy during trg on thursday. SUPER FUNNEHH. haha. =DD. she gave me a good laugh, no offence darling.and ive been calling her something that will never happen? =D.and she goes crazehh when i call her that as well.cos she says she cant believe my bad taste.rah, like who can?
is it enough to love?
is it enough to breathe?
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed.
is it enough to die?
somebody save my life.
i'd rather be ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY please.
screams off.
throw me a lifeline
1:33 PM
___________________________
Saturday, February 26, 2005
rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed-
slept late.woke up late.rather horrid, had to rush through breakfast and do all the necessary stuffs then rush to tuition. ended up earlier than mrmarcus?
wna change my picture ; wna do up my profile.dont know why i spend so much time on this blog? rahhed.
oh, btw,
happy birthday daarlingg- ((=.
throw me a lifeline
2:04 PM
___________________________
Friday, February 25, 2005
ah, this shall be a crappy post.cos karo feels crappy now? ((:.
ah, my mom came home wiv goodnews. shes super busy and cant send me to see the doctor. ((:. yay ! =D. which means i dont have to see the doctor ! =D.
ah right. pretteh sight of youu todayy.
yes, crappy? or no crappy? haha. right.
this'll make it crappy.
C STANDS FOR COOKIE MONSTER. ((: havent said that in ages. i havent seen my cheap thrills anymore. they have study skills, rah, miss them?
throw me a lifeline
7:48 PM
___________________________
whereupon the soul flew from the body-
right. give you an analogy. imagine you are on an island. one day the island cracked into four parts. one day, one part sank. then the next day, another part sank. then the next day, the third part sank. at least youre still left with a last part right. but what will happend if it starts sinking? you will die right? unless you can swim.but which in this case you cant. wont you die? yes you will. now imagine, that island is your life. and you live for four different aspects. one day, all four suddenly fell to pieces, and you cant swim. right, so how do you live? dont you just die.
CANT I JUST DIE.
thats how i feel stalker, how i feel hi5+3, how i feel nessie.
i feel broken and torn.
and its impossibe to just tell me to cheer up.
things dont work this way.
throw me a lifeline
5:24 PM
___________________________
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
RIP MY HEART OUT AND LEAVE ME HERE TO BLEED-
haha, wrote that out with my left hand on gao zhi. and showed it to almost everyone i could?
seriously, you wna noe the truth? I AM AFFECTED.
waited for stalker after school. he cheat my money, say is one hour trg only, then end up one hour fifteen minutes. i was left alone for so long =((. luckily cassandra came over. haha, for once i thank God for her. ((=. and i managed to do finish the chem ws. stalker rushed by and say smth about the ws, attempting to teach me. but i didnt understand a word that came out of his mouth. so i did it finish myself. HAHA. ((=. im pretteh happy bout it.
rushed down to holland v to meet up wiv manu. haha, she treated me lunch. stalker forced her to anywayy. haha. ((=. then he bought for me one tart cos i said i loved tarts. snapping pics all the time and stalker even took a video of me? haha. ((=. now im the wallpaper for both manu and stalker's phone. =D. right, now their handphones are so prettehh. haha.
cabbed home. haha, stalker paid for the fee? ouch, it costed 7.80 and now i feel so bad. then he had to take bus home cos the cabdriver wanted to go home at cck for dinner? hehh. i feel even worse. but my face is on his phone, i think i paid him back liao. =D. haha. right. he still owes me one more emath remedial. i need to learn about tangents before my test.
oh right, did i say? i think i failed my cumulative frequency test? oh, i passed by 2 marks. but it's like a fail to me? i nvr got below 20 for any math test before. this is my first. damn i dont like the way kwek kwek teaches. oh right, i passed my assesment amath test by 3.5 marks. argh, im gna redo the whole test ppr and be sure to get it right. if i dont know how to do, i'll think til i know how. i cant afford to kiss an a1 away from my o's. =((. rightright, i got 71 for my chinese test. im pretteh HAPPY. ((=. yay. ((=.
ID RATHER BE ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY PLEASE ;i dont wna face it anymore.
ITS KILLING ME. and you
rub it in by
telling it all to me. hais.
throw me a lifeline
8:12 PM
___________________________
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
avirl lavigne ;
anything but ordinaryysometimes i get so weird
i even freak myself out
i laugh myself to sleep
its my lullaby
sometimes i drive so fast
just to feel the danger
i wanna scream
it makes me feel alive
is it enough to love
is it enough to breath
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die
somebody save my life
id rather be anything but ordinary please
to walk within the lines
would make my life so boring
i want to know that
i have been to the extreme
so knock me off my feet
come on now give it to me
anything to make me feel alive
is it enough to love
is it enough to breath
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die
somebody save my life
id rather be anything but ordinary please
id rahter be anything but ordinary please
let down your defences
use no common sense
if you look you will see that
this world is a beautiful
accident turbulent suculent
opulent permanent, no way
i wanna taste it
dont wanna waste it away
sometimes i get so weird
i even freak myself out
i laugh my self to sleep
its my lullaby
is it enough
is it enough
is it enough to breath
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die
somebody save my life
id rather be anything but ordinary please
is it enough
is it enough to die
somebody save my life
id rather be anything but ordinary please
id rather be anything but ordinary please
she's:
brokenn.
confusedd.
distraughtt.
stuckk.
tornn.
wonderful.i wish it
never happenedd.its a
knife stabbing my
heart a gazillion times.
if you cant see my eyes.dont talk to me.
when im feeling what i dont wna feel, my eyes will be so tiny.
IT HURTS.
i wont deny it.
throw me a lifeline
4:45 PM
___________________________
Sunday, February 20, 2005
IM SO
SCREWED.
right, im gna screw up my chinese test if i take it tomorrow.
im TOTALLY not prepared.
i need another MC for tomorrow.
right, im not gna take pe tmr. so thats another 2.4 trial stricked off my 2.4 trials.
so i dont think i have any practice at all?
yes, im SCREWED.
yesyes, PLEASE download this song.
it so rocks !
anything but ordinary ; avril lavigne.
((=. its beautiful.
to hear it, click
here((=. beautiful.
right, im still screwed. i owe lizhengliang a present cos i accidentally blurted it out that i do.
DAMN
throw me a lifeline
9:52 PM
___________________________
I SO FREAKING SCREWED UP MY IPOD MINI SONGS AGAIN.RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH.
throw me a lifeline
2:58 PM
___________________________
Friday, February 18, 2005
nothing is ever impossible for God-
im sick and sleepy and tired. ive got FIVE medicines to take, thank God i dont have to eat anything to take them. dont know how i fell sick, my mom say cos it's too hot. i dont even think its hot? oh wells. i just feel dreadfully sick. and my lips are so dry thanks to my three ulcers which hurt like nobody's business? and i went for trg ytd and my screwed me for doing that when i know i was sick?
at least i got more days to study for my chinese test. hais. secretly, i wna go to A band, but i'm scared that i get a bad teacher.
for once, i thank God for giving me small eyes, cos when im tired, my eyes cant be smaller than they are now. so i dont have to force my eyes to open themselves.
argh, my hp bills are shooting damn damn damn high up, so forgive me if i dont reply your msges. 5 more days till my bill's renewed, i'll be DAMN happy then. changing number soon anyway.
funneh me, i signed in to msn and i wondered why like nobody online one. damn.
it's You i live for everyday ;
throw me a lifeline
9:18 AM
___________________________
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
i wna be a reflector-
sang
just let me say for chapel todayy. beautiful song aint it? haha. ((=.
anyhow. received yet another flower. it was all so confusing, and now, cheryl is the one left wiv no flower? i feel bad.
emath was boring? and mrs kwek caught me for doing smth i
didnt do? =((. unfair. so i had to move infront. and i saved danielng jiayi shibin zhengliang shibin's skins. HAHA. and shes undeniably a bitch. i dont like her stupid attitude. right? -
looks at eighteen.
went to clementi macs to
study after school. wiv kevin yuenteck eileenchin chinyi. met zhengliang shibin kelly jiayi junjie danielng there. haha. ((=. then they all zaoed one by one and left me and kevin there. ohwells. managed to get alot alot alot of emath done? and i was abit of a problem for kevin eileen and yuenteck. HAHA.
youu are absoulutely wonderfully undeniably
perfect. HAHA. ten messages todayy. ((=. wonderful. i'll probably just keep the choc like i did wiv the cherry flavored lollipop? haha, thats another
c word. so, c stands for cookie monster, cherry flavoured lollipops, and chocolates. ((=.
wheres my
red devil jonathan ong doggie brudder.
PERFECTO ;
throw me a lifeline
6:44 PM
___________________________
Monday, February 14, 2005
right right right.
well well well.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((=.
count the number of smiles
-points up.
and times it by infinity PLEASE.
HAHA.
youu are PERFECT. ((=.
YOUU MESSAGED ME.
PERFECTER. ((=.
told nessie a secret?
only five people know.
i'll keep it there.
thanks everyone, for the presents.
LOVE. ((=.
right, YOUU owe me a present.
throw me a lifeline
10:09 PM
___________________________
Sunday, February 13, 2005
HAHA.
please take a look at my tagboard.
HAHA.
i guess thats GUORONG.
((=, if you see this. and if its guorong.
MISTER, YOU JUST MADE MY DAY ! =D.
HAHA.
youu. ((=.
haha, ive got great news.
esp to min and ness.
so girls, if you see this, its super great news.
IVE GOTTEN OVER HIM. (((=.
hahaaa.
throw me a lifeline
11:12 PM
___________________________
Friday, February 11, 2005
everyone.
please buy cleverwhite.
it'll do you ALOT of good.
especially when sylvester sim's the advertisor.
it'll work. ((=.
haha, just remembered nathan was asking if i was turned on during amath lesson?
haha, not every guy turns me on that kind of thing?
haha, moses guessed one. ((=.
throw me a lifeline
10:00 PM
___________________________
what to say Lordits You who gave me lifeand i can't explain just how muchYou mean to me now-
my and olivia were positively woodbridgers during amath today.
we just went kookoo somehow over olivia loving cookie monsters and everything?
almost late for school today.
my FATHER couldnt wake up?
raaah.
yesyes, GOH HUI ZHEN ponned school.
whats new? its friday.
and unhuns, according to tsemin, she woke up at two-oh-one.
supposed to study wiv my stalker today.
i mean, my stalker's supposed to teach me emath.
ended up wiv no mood somehow.
left school.
like totally no bus that kinda thing?
so i waited for stalker.
and he sent me home.
describing the vday pres he's gna get for me.
BUT I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS.
right, my elder brothers out to get me.
hes soooo copykaro can?
he wants to be a teacher as well.
unhuns, so hes gna steal my food from right under my nose.
and he knows i wna be one?
since forever?
grrrrrr.
youu are beautiful. ((=.
okay, beautiful isnt for guys. but youu really are soooo beautiful to me. ((=.
HAHA.
throw me a lifeline
9:29 PM
___________________________
Thursday, February 10, 2005
be true to your heart-
just watched mulan. haha, made me think of when i was much younger what a great fan of mulan i was. haha, disney shows just leads innocent children on. thinking they could be much greater and everything? ahh, ohwells. since when did i think that deep?
happy birthday benjamin song yong pang.
haha, wonder why i still remember it? was scrolling through my friendster account, after reading the oh-so-nice testimonial from my dearest tuition friend, NG GUO XI, i found out. haha, so happy birthdayy.
i feel like im losing to shibin in this erm.. testimonial insulting thing going on between us? aahh, it keeps me unbored. his a loser? fifty RINGGIT for cny. HAHA.
ah, seows grandmas gna die like soon, her lungs arent functioning. so anyone who sees this, PLEASE PRAY. you might not like him that much lahh, but its not him its his grandma, and she didnt do nothing to you. except perhaps gave birth to his mom/pop and they gave birth to him? ahh, ohwells, just pray.
school again tmr. get to see youu again tmr. hehs.
darn, i sound soooooo despo.
haha, YOUU are WONDERFUL. ((=.
just msg me or talk to me then youu'll be perfect.
HAHA. =D.
and C is for COOKIE MONSTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
throw me a lifeline
9:53 PM
___________________________
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
HAHA, me and shibin are lame.
if you must know, please take a look at our testis.
wheeee. ((=
YOUU rock, just wna scream it out, but i dont know why. just felt like screaming it out?
WONDERFUL. ((=.
watching starwars?
makes me think of chubaka. =/
as jon ong calls me that?
gna be rich in a couple of days, but the richness will soon disappear into my bank?
cant wait for school.
cant wait to see YOUU.
and i want youu to msg me pretteh please?
throw me a lifeline
10:47 PM
___________________________
happy happy.
sat beside YOUU during the singing competition.
and within view during the beginning of the day.
and just a turn of my head in the audi.
haha.
YOUU just make me happy like that.
worried for stalker.
you better cheer up kayy.
dont want anything to happen to you.
haha.
off to my couzzie's hse.
reunion dinner tonight.
throw me a lifeline
2:22 PM
___________________________
Monday, February 07, 2005
im a selfish person, when i was down and out you were there to help and everything. but now youre down and out, i dont know how to be there for you, i suck at cheering people up, and now i wish i didnt have that fault, i rather be stupid fat ugly and still be able to cheer people up. i need that. and please please please, you DONT DONT DONT suck. please lahh. dont keep thinking that. PLEASE.
throw me a lifeline
9:43 PM
___________________________
its You i live for everyday-
done my vdays shopping. ((=
particularly happy wiv my marks.
especially physics, i topped the class.
it feels great to beat mesy?
HAHA.
chem > 26 / 30
phy > 26.5 / 30
HAHA, and i PASSED ss?
ss > 7 / 12
happy happy.
screamed to youu. ((=.
got into my first choice for service learning?
> CHIANG RAI ! ((=.
HE cheated my feelings ! say what doing local, then in the end go chiang mai. grrr.
my class is lame?
HAHA.
4c so rocks, thank you very much
my stalker stepped on my injured foot TWICE !
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
he snapped my pic, set it as his wallpaper.
freaking pissedd?
aarrgghh-
WO XIANG JIU ZHE YANG QIAN ZHE NI DE SHOU BU FANG KAI ;
throw me a lifeline
6:04 PM
___________________________
Sunday, February 06, 2005
you are the way the truth and the life-
everyone seems happy today.
my younger brothers happy.
watched 2 vcds, played comp for a super long time, went down to play bball, had wudong for lunch and then had kfc for dinner.
mellys happy.
she got her birthday wish? haha, her perfect birthday present.
sexayyes happy.
her blogs aaaallll done up.
my fathers happy.
his birthday is celebrated.
mindy should be happy.
she guessed who he is.
my elder brother is happy.
hes just going back to camp for like one day?
chinglings happy.
i wrote her a testi todayy.
why am i not happy?
theres something missing?
throw me a lifeline
9:56 PM
___________________________
imma be burning till youu return-
spent the morning folding finish youur present.
then i suddenly felt like not wanting to give it to youu.
in case its for no use and everything?
ive found another jian dan ai lover.
MELISSA TAN EN XIN. ((=.
haha.
WO XIANG JIU ZHE YANG QIAN ZHE NI DE SHOU BU FANG KAI.
til now, i still feel your hand in me.
it just somehow fits there?
throw me a lifeline
12:14 PM
___________________________
Saturday, February 05, 2005
call upon the name of the Lord
and be saved-
tuition at 10.
like which sicko has tuition at 10?
but guoxi definitely put a stop to me thinking that.
haha, we're back to our usual insults
we were screaming to each other?
and our class actually matchmaked us? =\\like hell i want that?
met the vball guys at jec kfc todayy.
theres so many of them !
and raymond lee actually thought my brother is my boyfriend?
and HE looks GOOD in what he's wearing.
doesn't he always?
jason lua doesnt know what homework we have
and nigel didnt say anything.
right, kevin's lying about the testi
i accepted it though, cos it's all good.
so dont believe anything hor.
besides what c stands for.
and wow, i exceeded my free smses so fast.
there's like 18 more days til my month ends?
heelllp.
bored this morning.
started clicking on alot of ppl writing a testi for them on what c stands for.
haha.
throw me a lifeline
1:54 PM
___________________________
Friday, February 04, 2005
hold me in your arms
never let me go-
sad dayy.
the bboys basketball lost?
they put in so so so so so so so much effort lohh.
im damn damn damn sad for them.
its like they won two matches.
this was the deciding match.
the lost by NINE.
=((((. and its like they scored nine points to catch up in the last few mins and the other team din score at all?
freak it, its darn saddening.
stop staring at me, i dont want youu to.
it just makes me fall deeper.
thanks everyone who tagged me.
LOVE.
thanks everyone who has been there for me.
esp as usual, my stalker.
sent 500 over smses to you screaming my problems and tears.
thanks ness min sherri.
thanks charmaine joy christina olivia.
thanks stalker.
thanks God.
i always wonder why He sent me him.
on another note.
today was quite ohkayy.
rushedd down to smu wiv kim
we lost our way and took a cab down
wastedd 2.90.
missed like 5/6 of the match.
the guys put it alot of effort.
esp junrong and zeng.
ohwells.
understatement.
GEORGE KOH IS FREAKING LAME.
he laughs at his OWN jokes.
and he TEASES me about raywen.
LAME LAME LAME.
haha, but he's REAL fun. ((=.
SAW MY FIRST CRUSH TODAYY.
still as shuai as ever.
basketball captain of RAFFLES INSTITUTION.
what else.
desponess over took me i almost wanted to ask for his number.
haha. he so rocks.
THE WHITE RAFFLES JERSEY NUMBER SIX. ((=.
rushed down in cab to acsi.
george koh PAID for the fare.
and he owes me kim and kevin a treat !
haha.
like when the four of us reached acsi badminton hall.
the match ended alr?
the bboys won.
5-0. ((=.
final statement.
GEORGE KOH IS FREAKING LAME.
stalker sent me home todayy.
=DD.
haha.
like FINALLY thank you very much.
and and and.
i hope youu dont ever throw ur amath book away.
IT CAUSED ME A HEADACHE MIND.
ouch.
and and and.
haha. (((=.
cant take my eyes off your eyes which were staring at me.
i like showing the c sign to guorong.
cheers me up. ((=.
the hardest i'll have to do ;
throw me a lifeline
6:10 PM
___________________________
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
i wna be a reflector-
we all have our own pride. and once one side we thought we could succeed in just broke, we have to hold on by all means to the other side. we all have our own pride. we all just wna be accepted. i dont know how many people really do hate me. but i know theres super plenty more than a handful. even those i considered my super close friends do hate me. talk bad about me. none of us are perfect. im the least perfect one. you all can just hate me. whats the point of treating me as one of your best friend when you actually dont like me. perhaps you never did treat me as one of your friend, much less a best friend. but perhaps now i just dont care.
i cried for no reason. just like her. i dont even wna cry. i just broke down. like her. if this goes too far, you all might just wave goodbye to me. life doesnt work out for me. i just do all the same things all the time. what for? i'll still die in the end. no matter whether its a hundred years down the road or just a year. i'll still die. what's the difference.
like always, ive said ive gone over the edge. dont trigger me. you might just not be able to stop me from crying.
i hate walking from the mrt home. i'll always miss youu a whole lot. throwing everything related to youu away. im kicking youu out of my life. i dont need a guy in my life now. my heart land has been filled up with one person, Jesus. it has many footprints of guys in my life. how easily i give my heart out. that sucks.
want me to list my bad points?
aplenty.
im a flirt. i act cute. im a silly slacker. i work so hard to keep up my grades but i just dont care when a test comes. i cry all the time. im not really a good friend. im unappreciative. i dont see the seriousness of what i say. i hurt everyone without knowing so. i make people hate me. im an attention seeker. i wna know everything. i act like i know everything. i act like as if im very big. i act like as if im the leader. i just want everyone to listen to my problems but when people come to me with theirs, i just walk away. i judge people. im not smart, just tyco. i know my mistakes but i dont change. i act like as if i dare to do anything, but i push the responsibility to anyone else. i cannot control my emotions. i complain when i know that others are worser off than me. i copy others. i act like as if im very pure. so many thousand more. everyone should agree with that.
i really thank all those who have been there for me.
especially especially especially my stalker.
i really thank God for putting someone like my stalker into my life.
sensing when im sad, msging me and everything. especially when youre super tired and youve got so so so so so many things to do. you still have to stay up and accompany me.
last goodbye ;
throw me a lifeline
4:56 PM
___________________________
