Thursday, December 29, 2005

i was losing myself to somebody else
but now i see
i dont wna pretend
so this is the end of you and me
cos the girl that you want
she was tearing us apart
cos she's everyth
everyth im not <



HE. called, horrible news. i almost cried. ALMOST. but well, crying's like offlimits in my house.
i wanted HIM to slap him, slap him SO hard that his sunburnt skin falls off. WHY DID YOU DO THAT? i trusted you not to. but well HE says its quite alryyt. quite okay. i almost screamed that quite is not good. i want it to be ALRYYT, to be OKAY.
so i asked gaelan to pass him the letter, and i just didn't know how to put it that it was what i was feeling ytd, but today, im feeling hurt. is this what life's going to be like if i choose you? your promise? what if i ask you to break it? would you?

so anw. did spring cleaning at home. cleared many toys. many many stuffs. found many tiggers as well. found an oscar too.
watched the myth. and i cried then. released my angst. ): but the show's really nice still.

i really need to password my blog.







thank You Lord, for a heart, for feelings, for happiness, for tears to release pain.

throw me a lifeline
6:39 PM

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gai bu gai jiu suan le diao tou jiu zou
que fang qi bu liao
xue zhe cheng dan xue zhe shi fang
zhe yang ye hao <

alryyt, i love that song, (points u) it's really pretty. snow angel by toro and yan xing shu. (: beautiful.
well. last night was alryyt, sijay's bbq day.
played pool, haha. i officially suck at it. i missed the black ball like 7 times although it's just beside the hole can. but i still won in the end.
it was fun wiv joy eileen and min. we were like some retarded ppl cat fighting wiv bubbles. haha. the lil' kiddies down there played wiv us. and ive got a new heartthrob. JIE LE (: he's this really cute darling lahh. haha, looks just like someone about 6 years ago. uhhuh.
we played volleyball and well, we officially need a bigger place. haha, i mean the ball flies everywhere except to each other.
haha. although i shut them up, but we had fun screaming "big and bouncy" and "jerk" and all that. they gave me opinions as well (: walked around many times. i thot i could not get lost at that place. i was proved wrong.
I GOT LOST AT THE BEACH ! haha.it was like close to pitch black and i was so scared of snails lahh. the sand was nice though. and well i didn't get the talk i wanted, but i realised someth through the silence. saw many many many aeroplanes, and we guessed the destinations. saw two lighted places and he said one was china (?) and the other was disneyland (???) haha, quite retarded right. i was so happy that we got out at last that i almost kissed the floor out there lahh. then when i saw the playground, i almost kissed it as well. haha.

friendster's retarded, i kept pressing the accept button for my testimonials, and they say its accepted, BUT ITS NOT ! retarded.


i guess sometimes we cant win them all, but what have i lost?




thank You Lord, for light, for beaches, and for legs.

throw me a lifeline
11:31 AM

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

well, i saw this quiz on min's blog quite a long time ago. no no im not gna do a quiz. just one segment of it.

6 people who did someth to change your life (or someth like that)
> felix chow jing khai. weirdly huh. that guy taught me a lesson i'll never forget. he taught me that love is not just shared between boyfriends and girlfriends, love could be shared between friends, even if they are of opposite genders. he taught me that appearance is just an appearance, we cannot judge the person inside just by appearance.
> joel loke. he taught me the meaning of the word love.
> mrs shirley lam. she gave me the motivation to become a teacher. she was my pri 5 and 6 form teacher who taught me, math (and i dont know what else)
> auntie didi. my first maid. she taught me many things. she was wiv me for TWELVE years can. she taught me trust and well love. she taught me tears and suffering. she suffered so much to make me and bros happy. she was the one who introduced me to God.
> adam khoo (however it's spelt) no, not the silly study skills thing. i din even know whats going on can. but he made me realise a mother's love. ive learnt to be tolerant about what my mom does now.
> tiggers, never loved anyth for so long. haha, fine this is crap, cos there's only 5 people




well, i officially have a parang gang. they'll butcher the next person who hurts me.




I MAY FALTER, BUT I WILL NEVER FALL.
i may hesitate, but i will never stop.
i may turn around, but i will never walk back.
i will never do those things, if you dont.





thank you Lord for love in this world.

throw me a lifeline
8:09 AM

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

what i did today >
>>went to remake my ic. my stupid dad doesnt believe the photo he gave me cant work. i thot i looked too young, the lady said "this photo is unacceptable, cos i cant see your eyes." so i went to take the instant photo thing. spent hell long lahh. had to retake cos my collar wasn't right, my hair wasn't right, my posture wasn't right, MY EYES WERE TOO SMALL. arrgh ):
>>met mesy and braved the stupid storm again. it seems that whenever she comes it rains, heavily.
>>watched tv. well well. i watched harry potter and pei ni qu shopping. someth i heard, made me think it's a sign from God. for sure.
>>talked to gaelan gu who wants to burn my letter cos i thanked him. =|||
>>wrote a letter, yes the letter that gaelan wants to burn.
>>msged manu darling who asked how i was doing. she's wiv cute lil' kiddies NOW lahh. no fair ): and well we've been arguing who's cuter lahh. hers or mine. weirdly.
>>planned my 30th and 31st. going out wiv my primaries and well seeing how good manu's taste is.
>>well just continued thinking whether my decision's right. it should be.
>>packed my stuffs for tmr. sijay's presents, his presents. meeting joy at 1 tmr. i hope she knows how to go to downtown east, cos i dont. haha. and i dont even know whether my mom's serious bout coming wiv me lahh.
>>found out my last month's handphone bill REALLY BURST. 50 bucks? yea. (so if i dont reply you this month, im trying to make up for last month's. CALL ME INSTEAD)


well i just hope i dont get stuck saying what i wna say tmr.




WHATS SO MERRY ABOUT THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS? )))):

thank You Lord, for all my darlings who've been there for me.

throw me a lifeline
8:59 PM

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Monday, December 26, 2005

i never imagined how many people are there for me during this period of time.

kevin, who gave me support through this things, the first to reply to my plea of desperation and shook me out of dying (:
tonny fong, who said "ask him to go and die" haha, that made me laugh like crazy (:
joel loke, who volunteered his ear (:
min and ness, who brought me out and beared wiv my craziness during narnia (:
mesy and joy, who came over just to see that im doing fine. (:
gaelan gu, who well is just wonderful, weirdly nice (:
bryan fok, who surprisingly made me realise things (:
joe tan, who well just supported me. (:
thanks darlings.

and well tonny fong, if you ever see this. i want you to know that im going through exactly what youre going through. if she cant drop him, you drop her. if she tells you she's trying, but it doesnt seem like as if she is, drop her. shes not worth you okay. but if you can see she's trying, give her time. she needs your support, no doubt. leaving her, ppl might call you cold or not understanding, but they wont know how much youre hurting til you show it, til you tell them. and NEVER never think of hurting her twice as much as youre hurting. cos your heart will hurt three times more. and no matter what im always here ! (:






i waited for you to talk to me today, you never did. what i need is someone who clears my doubts and not let me sink furthur into them. but i guess i told you to wait til 28th, so 28th it'll be. im really sorry for this. im just really scared of getting bruised.

throw me a lifeline
9:13 PM

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dear Lord, i thank You for everyth this year. thank You for the dream last night which showed me Your plan for me. Youve brought us tgt only to break us up again. now its up to me to see whether we should go back tgt. Lord i really need Your help in this. somehow Youve sent people to me each time im down, this time, You seem to send no one, but my bester, who only suggested that i grow closer to You, maybe kevin's right and i guess its time i made my own decision and learnt not to be swayed by others. i dont know the reason why Youve brought us tgt, maybe for the same reason, to forget the past. or perhaps to let us learn how to love someone else, and the meaning of letting go. did you bring us tgt for him? or for me? were we meant to be doors for each other? or just windows? or maybe just a crack somewhere? it just seems that im stuck in a room wiv two doors. one leading to freedom, and one leading to love. and behind those two doors, there'll be another door, one is happiness, and one is hurt. so which door do You suppose i should open. christmas, the season of giving. isit time for me to forGIVE?

i once again thank You Lord, thank You for his understanding thank You for well time. i thank You for her as well. is this a test for us? or were we really going against You being tgt? thank You for the dream. i think i know what i should do Lord. thank You.

amen (:

throw me a lifeline
11:07 AM

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Sunday, December 04, 2005

in places no one will find
all your feelings so deep inside <

tonny was really weird last night.
weirdly nice.
he wanted to give me and all expense paid trip to shanghai.

ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
shanghai
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
go there shoppin
karolynn nosedive into something permanent. says :
haha, good life lahh
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
u wan u join me loe
karolynn nosedive into something permanent. says :
haha, u pay for everyth arrh
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
SET
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
hahaz
karolynn nosedive into something permanent. says :
wahh. you get air ticket first then say lahh
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
u go airport
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
hahaz
ToNE... to eat to sleep n to enjoy life says :
than i get it fer u

see that, weirdly nice. (: i wouldnt mind going, but i had to pack in like an hour? impossible lahh.



told mesy and manu the wonderful news (: 5th and 6th to know.






losing my sleep was worth it (((:
tomorrow, tomorrow ! ((:

throw me a lifeline
11:01 AM

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Saturday, December 03, 2005

karolynn nosedive into something permanent. says:
aww, im so nice (:
"glory" i'll be back on the 15th everybody=).-ت-n8 says:
yeah sure sure

haha, nathan agrees that im nice (:



i was am is bored ):

throw me a lifeline
6:04 PM

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dammit, i like nigel's blogskin.
i shouldn't have designed it so nicely.
):
now i dont know what skin to use for myself.
arrgh.


fine, i'll so skin searching




thanks dude (((:
i just logged into friendster today, and wowwee, i saw that nice testimonial, wordless, but meaningful. and i din reply cos i duno what to type ! my aches are okay, stop worrying (:

throw me a lifeline
6:01 PM

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Friday, December 02, 2005

forever was in your eyes <

had a blast today ((:

played capts ball til my legs broke lahh. i almost died running. but it was really fun.
((: thanks dudes.

well well, told sherri sijay sam and ness the wonderful news, the first four to know ((:

went lunching then librarying ((:
its been wonderful ((: thanks man.
and you dont go knocking your head as well.
you must take care yes !


i injured myself so many times today )):
i knocked my head against the metal poles in the bus twice i think.
theres these weird cuts. one on my thumb and one on my leg. weird as in i din even know how i cut myself lahh. weird.
and well my neck still aches. one of the disadvantages of loving reading.


heading down to imm to buy stuffs for vietnam.
im dying wiv my leg cramps.

throw me a lifeline
8:48 PM

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Thursday, December 01, 2005

if you're willing to be my everyth <

yes, well im reopening my blog.
as i promised you, chingling.




so heres my first post, for a reopened blog.
today's wonderful ((:

throw me a lifeline
9:24 PM

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